mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
