Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
