It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Someone came in the potted fern
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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