I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize