using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
