On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm sobbing to NWA
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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