I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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