Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
