It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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