i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
