I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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