Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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