The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
