Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
