i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
