i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
