what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
