just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Randomize
