last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
