Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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