Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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