Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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