She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
