Screwed.edu
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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