You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I think my moral compass just broke
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
