What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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