I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
