that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
This house was built for laser tag.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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