i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
