Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
