I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
