bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
