i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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