only you would photoshop your dick
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
