Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
