dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
