i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
