Need sex. Gaining weight.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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