My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
