...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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