I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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