Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
