her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
be right there i have to get my cape
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize