So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
