It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
