you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
