chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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