My balls are so social today.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
