I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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