I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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