Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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