come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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