I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
