Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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