trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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