When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
