the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
