in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
