btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
