I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
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