How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
