somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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