two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
