I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Randomize
