I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
These tits shall not be calmed
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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