Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
