Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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